Your Words Aren’t the Problem — Your Nervous System Is.

Most communication breakdowns don’t happen because you said the wrong thing.
They happen because your presence said it first.

Years ago, I learned this vividly. I was in a conversation where I felt tense — but thought I was present, because I could intellectually understand my emotions and what caused them.
My words were calm and clear, as I had unconsciously blocked out the physical sensations.
I even said, “I’m fine, everything makes sense.”

The other person paused, looked at me, and said:
“No, you’re not. I can tell you’re upset.”

That moment stuck with me.
My nervous system was speaking louder than my words.
And the other person felt it — long before I did.
Clarity, I realized, is no substitute for being physically regulated.

This happens every day in professional settings:
A leader shows up for a hard conversation, armed with logic, clarity, and even kindness.
But their body tells a different story — tight jaw, shallow breath, tense voice.
The listener braces. The message from the speaker’s body is louder than what’s coming from their mental and emotional centers.

Because communication isn’t just about words.
It’s about presence.

When you’re dysregulated, even perfect phrasing and genuine empathy won’t fully land — because others sense the disconnect between words and energy.

But when you’re regulated and grounded, even tough conversations can build credibility and rapport.

Calm is contagious. So is tension.
And your team, clients, and collaborators always feel the difference — whether you notice it or not.

Before your next important conversation, don’t just prepare your words.
Ask yourself: Am I regulated enough to be received?

The Conversation You’re Avoiding Is Costing You More Than You Think.

In many workplaces — especially STEM — there’s an unspoken belief that avoiding conflict and letting things resolve themselves is the respectful thing to do.

Most people don’t avoid hard conversations because they’re careless or indifferent.
They avoid them because they care.
They don’t want to say the wrong thing, appear difficult, or hurt someone.

But the “conversation avoided” is often more expensive than the “conversation had.”

I see this all the time in my coaching work, especially with clients in STEM:
Someone’s performance is slipping.
A teammate is creating tension.
A boundary is being crossed.

When feedback goes unspoken or misunderstandings are ignored, the cost isn’t just emotional discomfort — it shows up in very real ways:
* Misaligned projects
* Bottlenecks and delays
* Eroded trust and morale
* Missed opportunities
* Top talent quietly walking out the door

Many clients have believed that holding back was the respectful thing to do.
They worried about damaging relationships or assumed the issue would resolve itself.
After all, they work in tech or science, not law or education — so how much communication could really be needed?

But communication is the foundation of all collaboration. It rarely self-corrects; the gap usually widens.

Here’s the good news:
Difficult conversations don’t have to be destructive.
When approached with attunement and curiosity — both to yourself and to the other person — you can speak what’s true to you in a way that invites connection and collaboration, not defensiveness.

I’ve seen it play out over and over:
The conversation avoided for months often takes only 20 minutes to resolve — and opens doors that have been closed for much longer.

And this isn’t about being “naturally good at communication.” It’s a skill that can be learned, practiced, and refined.

So if there’s a conversation you’ve been avoiding, ask yourself:
* What is it already costing me?
* What might become possible if I had it?

What helps you initiate the conversations that matter? Reach out if you need support.

What Realizing I Was The Problem Taught Me About Leadership

There was a moment with a colleague many, many years ago that I’ll never forget.

We were deep into a challenging project, and I was venting about how stuck I felt. She offered a suggestion—something simple, something I hadn’t tried quite that way. And I cut her off.

“I’ve already tried that. It doesn’t work.”

She paused, then tried another angle. “What if you…”

“I can’t. Believe me, I’ve looked at this from every direction.”

I thought I was being direct and realistic. But what I was really doing was shutting down help. My frustration had calcified into certainty. And in that moment, I wasn't leading—I was defending a wall I didn’t even know I’d built.

That evening, I realized how that interaction must have felt to her: invalidating, disheartening, like I didn’t give any worth to her input. Reflecting on the incident led to a deeper reckoning with how my lack of self-awareness was limiting not just collaboration—but my own growth.

Twenty years later, in my work with STEM professionals, I see this all the time: competent people whose unexamined stress reactions—dismissiveness, defensiveness, perfectionism—quietly erode the very credibility and creativity they want to foster.

Here are three self-awareness practices I use myself and recommend to every leader:

• Micro-check-ins: Before walking into a meeting or responding to a tough question, pause for 5 seconds. Ask yourself: What’s my internal state right now? Am I feeling reactive, depleted, cornered? Just naming it can loosen its grip.

• Impact feedback: Ask a trusted colleague, “What’s it like to be on the other side of me when things get hard?” Don’t defend. Just listen. Let the truth be a mirror.

• Values alignment audits: Pick a leadership value you care about (like “openness” or “humility”). At the end of the day, reflect: Did I embody that? Where did I miss the mark? These small check-ins build real change over time.

Self-awareness isn’t about self-judgment—it’s about developing the internal observer that allows us to make the best choices to lead with clarity, humility, and real influence. And the best leaders I know treat it as a daily practice.

How do you show up when you're not self-aware? And who do you become when you are?

Why Power, Not Just Competence, Shapes Workplace Communication

You explain your idea in a meeting. Silence. A few minutes later, someone more senior than you repeats the same idea—and suddenly, it’s brilliant.

Sound familiar? This frustrating dynamic happens in workplaces everywhere. If communication were just about quality and clarity, this problem wouldn’t happen. But in reality, power dynamics shape whose voice gets heard.

Power Dynamics: The Unspoken Factor in Communication

Workplace communication isn’t just about what you say—it’s about who has the authority to be listened to. Key factors at play:

* Title & Status – Senior leaders’ words carry more weight, even if their competency is not greater.
* Technical vs. Business Priorities – Engineers focus on feasibility; execs care about impact.
* Personality & Influence – Politically savvy individuals tend to get more airtime.

Ignoring these dynamics means:

❌ Your ideas get overlooked.
❌ You over-explain to prove expertise, weakening your authority.
❌ You hold back to avoid conflict, missing key opportunities, or you become louder, undermining your reputation.

Reclaiming Power: How to Build Credibility & Attunement

Even without formal authority, you can increase your influence through how you communicate.

✅ Frame Your Message Around What Matters to Decision-Makers – Tie insights to business impact.
✅ Listen and Ask Strategic Questions – Instead of defending, guide the conversation with well-placed questions and adjust accordingly.
✅ Use Credibility Signals – A steady tone, strategic pausing, and concise framing build credibility.
✅ Own Your Expertise Without Over-Explaining – Confidence is about precision, not excessive detail.

✅ Attune to Power Players Using the Enneagram – Different personalities process information differently; here are some example:

• Type 3 (Efficiency-Driven Executives) → Lead with success metrics and ROI.

• Type 5 (Logical Analysts) → Provide well-reasoned insights without fluff.

• Type 8 (Assertive Leaders) → Get to the point and project strength.

• Type 9 (Consensus Seekers) → Emphasize collaboration and alignment.

Your Experience?

Have you seen power dynamics shape workplace communication? What strategies help you get heard?

How Your Greatest Strengths Can Undermine Your Communication

Ever seen two well-meaning colleagues talk past each other?

Take Alex and Jordan. Alex (Type 3) is goal-oriented—straight to the point, no fluff. Jordan (Type 9) values harmony and wants everyone to feel heard. When Alex pushes for a quick decision, Jordan asks for more time to ensure all perspectives are considered. Alex sees this as indecisiveness, while Jordan feels dismissed. Frustration builds. Neither realizes they’re overusing their strengths—Alex’s drive for results and Jordan’s desire for consensus—and it’s backfiring.

The trap? Our greatest strengths can become blind spots in communication.

The Enneagram Communication Traps

* Type 1: The Improvement Trap
Strength: Clear, logical, and principled.
Trap: Your drive for accuracy can feel like criticism.
Idea: Balance precision with encouragement.

* Type 2: The Overhelping Trap
Strength: Warm, empathetic, and tuned into others' emotions.
Trap: Offering help that wasn’t asked for or softening hard truths too much.
Idea: Let people ask for what they need.

* Type 3: The Efficiency Trap
Strength: Clear, persuasive, and goal-focused.
Trap: Skipping over emotions or making others feel like a means to an end.
Idea: Slow down—connection builds trust.

* Type 4: The Depth Trap
Strength: Expressive, insightful, and willing to go deep.
Trap: Not everyone is ready for deep conversations right now.
Idea: Read the room—sometimes lighter is better.

* Type 5: The Knowledge Trap
Strength: Thoughtful, logical, and data-driven.
Trap: Too much information can overwhelm others.
Idea: Engage without overloading—interaction beats info overload.

* Type 6: The Caution Trap
Strength: Thoughtful, prepared, and great at spotting risks.
Trap: Too many “what-ifs” can overwhelm the conversation.
Idea: Offer solutions, not just problems.

* Type 7: The Enthusiasm Trap
Strength: Engaging, upbeat, and full of ideas.
Trap: Jumping too fast between topics.
Idea: Stay present—let each idea land.

* Type 8: The Intensity Trap
Strength: Direct, confident, and not afraid of hard conversations.
Trap: Your forcefulness can shut others down.
Idea: Strength doesn’t mean pressure—give space to respond.

* Type 9: The Harmony Trap
Strength: Diplomatic, calming, and inclusive.
Trap: Avoiding conflict or holding back your opinions.
Idea: Speak up—true harmony includes clarity.

Summary

Self-awareness in communication isn’t just about knowing your strengths—it’s about knowing when they’re working against you.

* Are you overusing your go-to strength?
* What does the other person need right now?
* How can you adjust to be more effective?

Why Bother With Workplace Conflict Resolution If You Don’t Like The Person?

Imagine this: You’re stuck on a project with a coworker whose emails always sound condescending. They dismiss your input in meetings, and their tone grates on you. You’ve tried being polite, but every interaction leaves you irritated. Do you bring it up? Or do you grit your teeth, vent to a friend, and move on?

At home, it’s different. If your partner or a close friend upset you, you’re more likely to address it—because the relationship matters. But at work, if you don’t like or respect the person, why put in the emotional labor? Why not just tolerate it, disengage, or wait for it to blow over?

It’s a natural reaction. Conflict resolution takes effort, and when we don’t have a personal stake in the relationship, that effort feels wasted. However, here’s what we often overlook: resolving workplace conflict isn’t about forming friendships or forcing yourself to like the other person. It’s about removing unnecessary friction so you can do your best work and advance your career.

Liking Someone Isn’t a Prerequisite for Resolving Conflict

Too often, we think resolving conflict requires emotional connection. But it’s not about deepening a bond—it’s about improving functionality. You don’t need to like your coworker; you just need to work with them.

What does that look like? It could mean addressing miscommunication directly, clarifying expectations, or setting firmer boundaries. It’s not about changing them or forcing yourself to be more tolerant. It’s about making your work hours less frustrating and more productive.

Why It’s Worth It Anyway

Avoiding conflict doesn’t make it disappear—it just shifts the cost. Unresolved tension drains mental energy, increases stress, and affects productivity. Over time, it can even damage your professional reputation. A pattern of avoiding conflict can signal to colleagues and leaders that you struggle with difficult conversations—a key skill for leadership and career growth.

The goal isn’t to befriend the person. It’s to create an environment where you don’t have to dread every interaction. A short, uncomfortable conversation now can mean months (or years) of smoother collaboration.

You don’t have to like someone to make work easier for yourself. You just have to decide that your energy, sanity, and career trajectory are worth the effort.

Struggling with workplace conflict? A few coaching sessions can help you handle tough conversations with clarity and confidence. Let’s talk.

Why Leaders Need Human-Led Communication Training—To Keep Their Edge with AI

A tech leader asks, “With AI advancing so quickly, do we still need human-led communication training?”

It’s a fair question. AI is impressive—it can process vast amounts of data, generate polished content instantly, refine messaging, and even mimic human speech patterns. But when it comes to the heart of communication—understanding, attunement, and connection, which build trust, resolve conflicts, and inspire teams—humans still have the upper hand.

AI Misses the Human Layer—The Real Body and Beating Heart

Imagine an engineer presenting a new idea to leadership. AI could refine their slides, adjust tone, and predict likely objections. But can it sense the hesitation in a skeptical stakeholder? Can it pivot in the moment, reading the room and adjusting based on nonverbal cues?

Only a human body can read the room.

Or consider a performance review. AI might suggest structured feedback, but it won’t notice an employee’s clenched jaw or downcast eyes—the subtle signs that signal deeper concerns requiring real-time emotional intelligence.

Only a human heart can truly understand.

Where Humans Will Always Surpass AI in Communication

* Reading the Unspoken: AI processes words. Humans perceive nuance. We pick up on microexpressions, subtle tone shifts, and pauses that reveal more than words alone. A hesitant “I’m fine” carries an emotional weight that AI might miss—but a skilled communicator won’t.

* Adapting in Real Time: AI follows patterns. Humans break them. Whether in a difficult conversation or a high-stakes negotiation, we sense when to push, when to pause, and when to change our approach. This ability to pivot in response to a moment’s energy is uniquely human.

* Creating True Attunement: AI predicts likely responses. Humans feel them. Human connection and trust thrive on genuine empathy—sensing another’s emotions, responding with care, and adapting not just based on logic, but on shared experience. Great communicators create attunement, fostering deep trust that AI-generated words can’t replicate.

* Making Meaning, Not Just Information: AI provides data. Humans inspire action through shared experience. Communication isn’t just about transmitting information; it’s about making meaning. We draw on personal stories, values, and lived experience to inspire, persuade, and connect in ways that go beyond data-driven responses.

AI is a powerful tool—but communication that truly resonates, motivates, and transforms? That remains a distinctly human art. In a world where AI is advancing rapidly, human communication skills aren’t becoming obsolete—they’re becoming more essential. To stay ahead of AI where it matters, investing in communication training is more critical than ever.

AI is evolving fast—but will it ever replace the depth of human connection? Where do you think humans will always have the edge?

How To Handle Tough Feedback With Professional Grace

Your manager calls you in. They look tense and the words land like a gut punch: “Your presentation didn’t hit the mark. We need you to be clearer and more concise.” Your pulse spikes. A dozen defenses rush in—They didn’t give me clear expectations! or I worked so hard on that!

Feedback, especially when unexpected, can feel like an attack. But reacting defensively—dismissing it, arguing, or shutting down—often makes things worse. It can create tension, damage trust, and even lead to harsher feedback in the future about how hard it is to work with you. What if, instead, you could turn this moment into an opportunity for growth and building credibility?

1. Pause & Breathe

Your first instinct might be to push back—“I was clear!”—or withdraw. But this reaction can make you seem resistant or difficult to work with. Instead, take a slow breath. This interrupts your fight-or-flight response and gives you a moment to respond intentionally.

2. Listen for the Need Behind the Words

The Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model suggests that behind every critique is an unmet need. If your manager says, “You need to be clearer,” they may be needing efficiency or alignment. Instead of reacting to the wording, ask: “Could you share what clarity would look like for you?”

3. Separate Intent from Impact

It’s easy to take feedback personally, as we tend to equate feedback with judgment and jump to conclusions. Instead, get curious: “What parts felt unclear or too long? Can you give me an example so that I understand better?” This approach signals professionalism and invites constructive dialogue.

4. Find the Growth Opportunity

Even poorly delivered feedback can contain useful data. Use “feedforward”—focus on future action. If you hear, “This report was too vague,” instead of arguing, ask for advice and respond with: “I see. Next time, I’ll incorporate your suggestions.” This shifts the conversation toward solutions.

5. Regulate & Reflect

Later, check in with yourself. What emotions surfaced? What patterns do you notice? This self-awareness strengthens your ability to navigate feedback without reactivity.

Handled well, tough feedback isn’t a threat—it’s a tool. And when you engage with it professionally, you shape how others see you: as someone who listens, adapts, and leads with humility and courage.

Want to strengthen your leadership presence and communication skills? Coaching can help you stay grounded, respond effectively, and turn feedback into a career advantage. Contact me to schedule a free discovery call.

Why Understanding Others Starts With You.

Imagine this: Two colleagues are discussing a project deadline. One, feeling the pressure, bluntly says, “We need this done ASAP.” The other, already feeling unappreciated, hears it as criticism and shuts down. Frustration builds, and what could have been a simple conversation turns into tension and resentment.

This happens all the time—not because people don’t listen, but because they listen through their own filters. We interpret words based on our stress levels, past experiences, and personality patterns. Without self-awareness, we react rather than respond, misinterpreting intentions and escalating conflicts.

The Enneagram offers a powerful framework for understanding these patterns. A Type 3 might hear urgency as a challenge to their competence, while a Type 6 might see it as a sign that things are falling apart. Recognizing our tendencies helps us step back, check our assumptions, and engage with curiosity rather than reactivity.

Listening to self isn’t about being self-absorbed—it’s about noticing how our internal narratives shape what we hear. Are we assuming the worst? Are we responding to what was said or what we fear it means? When we pause and notice these patterns, we create space for better conversations.

The paradox is clear: The more we attune to ourselves, the better we understand others. By deepening self-awareness, we move beyond knee-jerk reactions and hear what’s actually being said—not just what our personality expects to hear. That’s the foundation of true connection.

Want to uncover your own filters—and your unique gifts? Exploring the Enneagram is a great way to start. Get in touch with me to schedule an Enneagram type exploration.

Don’t Overrely on Words: The Power of Nonverbal Cues in Communication

You’ve carefully structured your argument, chosen the right words, and presented your case. But instead of agreement, you’re met with hesitation. “Let’s revisit this later.” What went wrong?

Often, it’s not what we say—it’s how we say it. Research suggests over half of communication is nonverbal, yet many professionals, especially in STEM, rely almost entirely on words. The result? Misinterpretation, messages that don’t land as intended, and loss of influence.

Think about the last time someone told you, “I’m open to feedback,” but their arms were crossed, their foot tapped impatiently on the floor, and their tone was clipped. Did you believe them? Probably not. We sense misalignment instinctively, and when words don’t match body language, we trust the body more.

Or consider two engineers pitching the same idea. The first speaks clearly but stares at their laptop, arms crossed. The second maintains steady eye contact, gestures naturally, and modulates their voice for emphasis. Who’s more persuasive? The second—not because their idea is better, but because their delivery feels more confident and credible.

A key factor in aligning words and body language is self-awareness. If you’re anxious, your body knows before your brain catches up—your voice tightens, posture shrinks, or gestures become rigid. Instead of ignoring it, acknowledge it: “I’m feeling nervous, but I believe in this idea.” Simply naming your state can help regulate it, allowing you to adjust your tone, stance, or gestures intentionally.

Try this before an important conversation: Take a deep breath, plant your feet firmly, and exhale slowly. Roll your shoulders back, soften your gaze, and remind yourself of your intention: What do I want them to understand? This simple practice can help you shift from tension to presence.

Here’s how to ensure your nonverbal cues work for you, not against you:

• Tune into yourself. Before speaking, ask: What am I feeling? How is it showing up in my body? Awareness is the first step to making adjustments.

• Check your posture. Upright and open exudes confidence; slouching suggests uncertainty.

• Be mindful of gestures. Hands jammed in pockets signal nervousness; purposeful gestures reinforce key points.

• Use eye contact strategically. Not a stare-down, but enough to convey confidence and engagement.

• Match your tone to your message. A hesitant voice undercuts a strong argument. A warm tone softens critical feedback.

• Read the room. Others’ nonverbal reactions tell you when to clarify, pause, or shift approach.

In STEM, where complex ideas need clarity and trust, communication is more than words. It’s how you show up.

Have you ever seen great ideas fall flat due to poor delivery? What helped you or your colleagues improve?

Beyond Stereotypes: How The Enneagram Enhances Team Effectiveness

The Enneagram is often dismissed as just another personality test—one that puts people into neat little boxes. And no one likes to be reduced to a stereotype. But in reality, the Enneagram does the opposite. Rather than assigning fixed traits, it uncovers the deeper motivations, fears, and patterns that shape how we think and work. And when applied thoughtfully, it can be a game-changer for team effectiveness.

Moving Beyond Labels

A common misconception is that the Enneagram simply categorizes people into nine types. But the real power lies in understanding why people behave the way they do. Two people may be equally detail-oriented, but if one is driven by a fear of making mistakes (Type 1) and the other by a desire to be seen as competent (Type 3), they will respond very differently to feedback, pressure, and collaboration.

Why It Matters for Teams

When teams operate without awareness of these deeper drivers, miscommunication thrives. A highly analytical Type 5 may seem disengaged in meetings—not because they don’t care, but because they process information internally before speaking. A Type 8 leader may push for directness, unaware that their intensity shuts down quieter team members. These dynamics create friction unless addressed.

A Real-World Shift

One of my recent clients, a leader of a small company, used the Enneagram to enhance their team's dynamic. During the workshop, they suddenly realized that a teammate’s tendency to highlight worst-case scenarios wasn’t chronic negativity but a natural ability to anticipate and troubleshoot risks early. Adjusting their communication with their employee led to a deeper mutual understanding, greater appreciation, and less frustration.

Applying the Enneagram to Improve Teamwork

Here’s how teams can use the Enneagram to work more effectively:

* Leverage Strengths – A Type 9’s ability to see multiple perspectives can balance a Type 8’s decisiveness, leading to better-informed decisions.

* Improve Communication – Recognizing that a colleague’s hesitation isn’t resistance but a need for more clarity can shift interactions.

* Resolve Conflicts Faster – Instead of assuming bad intentions, teams can recognize different stress responses and adjust accordingly.

By integrating the Enneagram with proven communication models, organizations create stronger, more attuned teams—fostering trust, psychological safety, and efficiency. The key isn’t to box people in but to give them the tools to understand and work better together.

How has personality awareness helped your team? I’d love to hear your experiences!

Feedback Made Simple: Using The Enneagram To Tailor Your Approach

Have you ever given feedback that completely missed the mark? Maybe a well-intended suggestion was met with defensiveness, or your careful advice left someone feeling unmotivated instead of inspired. Feedback is meant to foster growth, but when it’s delivered in a way that clashes with a person’s natural tendencies, it can backfire—leading to frustration, disengagement, or even conflict.

The Enneagram—a powerful framework for understanding the nine personality strategies—helps you tailor your approach so your feedback lands effectively. Here’s how to adapt your message based on different personality types:

1. The Analytical Thinker (Types 1, 5, 6)

These types value logic, structure, and clear reasoning. Vague or emotional feedback won’t resonate. Be precise and offer concrete examples. Example: “Your analysis is solid. To strengthen it, adding a summary of key findings could enhance clarity.”

2. The Relationship-Oriented (Types 2, 4, 9)

These individuals prioritize connection and harmony. Harsh or impersonal feedback can feel like rejection. Acknowledge their efforts before offering suggestions. Example: “Your dedication to the team is clear. One small shift—asserting your ideas earlier—could make your contributions even more impactful.”

3. The Action-Driven (Types 3, 7, 8)

They thrive on efficiency and results. Over-explaining or focusing too much on emotions may feel like a waste of time. Keep feedback direct and action-focused. Example: “You’re driving great results. If you delegate more, you’ll free up time for bigger strategic moves.”

By aligning feedback with an individual’s Enneagram type, you shift from ineffective critique to constructive dialogue. The key? Precision, empathy, and a customized approach—making feedback simple, yet powerful.

Want to transform the way you and your team give and receive feedback? Explore individual or team-based Enneagram type discovery and training on effective feedback strategies. Let’s turn feedback into a tool for real growth. Reach out to get started!

Turning Conflict Into Collaboration In STEM Workplaces

Conflict is often seen as a roadblock—a frustrating detour that disrupts progress in the workplace. But conflict doesn’t have to be destructive. With the right approach, it can become a catalyst for trust and collaboration, strengthening relationships and sparking innovation.

At the heart of most conflicts lies a communication breakdown. Unaddressed personality habits and quirks can slowly chip away at trust. A brilliant idea may come across as criticism. A well-intentioned question might be heard as doubt. Frustrations and misunderstandings like these can quickly escalate, especially in high-stakes, high-pressure environments common in STEM.

The key to turning conflict into collaboration is to shift the focus from defending positions to understanding perspectives. This begins with intentional communication—ensuring that both parties feel heard, respected, and valued.

Start by listening. Not the kind of listening where you’re planning your next response, but deep listening, where your goal is to truly understand the other person’s perspective. Ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about what’s important to you here?” or “What outcome are you hoping for?”

Next, clarify. Restate what you’ve heard to confirm you’ve understood correctly. Simple phrases like, “What I hear you saying is…” can go a long way in defusing tension and building trust. 

These questions and reflections check for understanding, giving the other person space to make corrections or clarifications. We often assume we’ve understood correctly, only to discover we’ve missed the mark.

Finally, align. Focus on shared goals. In STEM workplaces, where success depends on teamwork, there’s almost always a common objective—whether it’s meeting a deadline, solving a technical challenge, or creating a better product. By anchoring the conversation in these shared goals, you can shift the dynamic from “me vs. you” to “us vs. the problem.”

For those looking to deepen their communication skills, the Enneagram can be a valuable tool. It provides insights into how different personality types approach conflict, from the idealistic tendencies of Type 1 to the peacekeeping nature of Type 9. Understanding these dynamics can help teams navigate challenges with empathy and effectiveness.

Conflict in STEM workplaces is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to divide us. When approached with curiosity and respect, it can become a powerful force for collaboration and growth.

Are you ready to turn conflict into collaboration? Let’s connect to explore practical strategies for transforming your team’s communication.

The Enneagram As A Communication Compass For STEM Leaders

Effective collaboration relies on more than sharing good ideas—it thrives on clear, attuned communication. When two colleagues come together to solve a problem, their ability to understand and adapt to each other can determine whether the session sparks innovation or stalls. The Enneagram, a personality framework outlining nine distinct ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, offers a practical guide for enhancing interpersonal communication during these moments of collaboration.

Imagine one colleague embodies Type 6, often focused on seeking clarity and identifying risks. Their natural tendency is to ask detailed questions and evaluate potential pitfalls. Partnered with a Type 3 colleague, who thrives on goal-setting and efficiency, the two might initially clash. The Type 3 may feel the Type 6 is slowing things down with endless “what-ifs,” while the Type 6 might view the Type 3’s fast-paced approach as dismissive of deeper concerns.

Using the Enneagram as a communication compass, these colleagues can bridge their differences. The Type 6 can recognize their tendency to overanalyze and focus on contributing actionable insights, while the Type 3 can practice patience and acknowledge the value of thoughtful questioning.

The Enneagram also fosters empathy by revealing underlying motivations. A Type 2 might interpret their Type 8 colleague’s directness as harsh, but understanding that the 8 values honesty over sugar-coating can shift the 2’s perspective. Similarly, the 8 can recognize the 2’s need for connection and soften their tone to encourage collaboration.

By revealing both strengths and blind spots, the Enneagram equips colleagues to navigate interpersonal dynamics with greater self-awareness and adaptability. It helps conversations flow more smoothly, ensures both voices are heard, and transforms potential friction into a creative spark.

Do you know your Enneagram type? Understanding your type is the first step toward improving your communication. Let’s explore it together—reach out to find your type and discover how to use the Enneagram to elevate your collaboration skills!

Building Bridges, Not Walls: Empathy is Underrated in STEM Fields

In STEM fields, logic, precision, and technical expertise are often considered the bedrock of success. Yet, there’s a critical skill that remains underappreciated: empathy. Far from being a "soft" trait, empathy plays a vital role in improving communication, fostering collaboration, and ensuring technical projects succeed. Here’s why empathy is essential in STEM environments.

The Case for Empathy in STEM

STEM professionals frequently work in teams to solve complex problems. Whether collaborating across disciplines, communicating with non-technical stakeholders, or mentoring junior colleagues, success often hinges on how well we understand and connect with others. Empathy—the ability to see things from another’s perspective and respond appropriately—creates the conditions for:

* Effective Communication: Technical expertise means little if it can’t be communicated clearly. Empathy helps bridge the gap between technical jargon and the audience’s understanding.
* Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are inevitable in any workplace. Empathy allows teams to navigate conflicts by validating different viewpoints and finding common ground.
* Inclusive Innovation: Diverse perspectives lead to better solutions, but only if those perspectives are heard and valued. Empathy fosters an environment where everyone feels comfortable to contribute.

What Does Empathy Look Like in Action?

Empathy doesn’t require being an extrovert or overly "emotional". For STEM professionals, it can take forms such as:

* Active Listening: Giving full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting back to ensure understanding.
* Adapting Communication Styles: Recognizing that colleagues, clients, or team members process information differently and tailoring your message accordingly.
* Pausing to Reflect: Before responding to a disagreement or challenge, considering the other person’s perspective and motivations.

Empathy as a Catalyst for Growth

Empathy isn’t just good for team dynamics; it’s a career accelerator. Leaders who demonstrate empathy earn trust, inspire loyalty, and build stronger teams. Empathy also leads to better problem-solving by encouraging open dialogue and collaboration—key ingredients for tackling multifaceted STEM challenges.

Where to Start

Whether empathy is a natural talent or feels like uncharted territory, here are a few tips to keep in mind:

* Practice curiosity. Ask colleagues about their challenges and listen without interrupting.
* Seek feedback. Invite others to share how your communication style impacts them and adjust as needed.
* Observe and adapt. Pay attention to nonverbal cues during interactions and refine your approach accordingly.

Empathy is not about abandoning logic or technical rigor. It’s about augmenting your expertise with a human touch.

How does empathy or lack thereof affect your workplace?

Why Communication Fails in STEM—and How to Fix It

In STEM, communication isn’t about polished eloquence or perfect writings. It’s about understanding others and being understood—while respecting one another. When that connection is missing, the consequences are costly: stalled projects, frustrated teams, and diminished productivity.

Imagine Sarah, a data scientist, presenting her findings to developers, marketers, and executives. Her slides are clear, her data compelling. Yet, developers are nodding off, marketers look confused, and executives ask questions disconnected from her core insights.

What went wrong?

Sarah’s presentation exists in a vacuum. She speaks the language of her field but hasn’t tailored her message to her audience. Developers want feasibility, marketers care about customer impact, and executives focus on strategic implications. By failing to adapt to her colleagues, Sarah leaves everyone feeling frustrated.

Instead of sparking collaboration, the meeting becomes an exercise in miscommunication. Sarah’s insights, though valuable, are lost in translation. Innovation slips away, and tension fills the room as the team leaves disengaged.

Too many meetings end like this—but they don’t have to.

If Sarah had adapted her message to each colleague’s needs, she could have sparked dynamic collaboration. Developers’ technical concerns, marketers’ focus on customer impact, and executives’ strategic goals could have been addressed. The result? Clarity, energy, and alignment.

This kind of communication doesn’t just make leaders more effective—it builds trust, engagement, and innovation across teams.

Writing or speaking well is valuable, but without genuine understanding, it falls flat. Attunement and connection are the foundations of effective communication.

As a former research specialist with two decades of experience, I’ve seen communication failures derail progress—not because of lack of speaking or writing skills, but because people failed to step out of their own perspectives and engage with others. For STEM leaders, where collaboration is essential, attunement, empathy, and adaptability are the true powers of communication.

Early in my career, I struggled with this myself. Over time, I developed tools to bridge these gaps—and now, I help others do the same.

I offer tailored programs that address these challenges head-on. Combining simple, effective models with the precision of the Enneagram, I help leaders and teams achieve alignment and collaboration that drives results.

Imagine a workplace where meetings are productive, misunderstandings resolved, and teams energized.

Take your leadership and team from misalignment to excellence. Contact me to schedule a free discovery call to discuss your needs.

Active Listening 101

As I wrote last month, Active Listening isn’t just a communication technique, it’s a method of building stronger, more meaningful connections through communication. Listening is just hearing words, Active Listening is about truly understanding and connecting with the person we’re in a conversation with. This not only makes a huge difference in personal relationships; it also has a profound impact in professional conversations. Here are actionable steps to take your listening from passive to active:

1. Show That You're Listening

• Be fully present.

• Face the speaker with an open posture. Avoid crossing your arms, which can seem closed off or defensive.

• Maintain eye contact.

• Nod occasionally and use small verbal cues like “I see” or “Go on.”

• Avoid distractions and multitasking (e.g., looking at your phone).

2. Manage Your Inner Dialogue 

• Listen with curiosity and the intent to truly understand words and emotions, rather than with a focus on what you want to say next.

• Avoid judgments and assumptions, as well as planning your response while listening. 

3. Pause Before Responding

Silence can be powerful. Resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or solutions. A brief pause allows you to process the speaker’s message and respond thoughtfully.

4. Reflect and Paraphrase

• Paraphrase what the speaker said: “So, you’re saying…” and check for understanding: “Did I get this right?”

• Allow space for the speaker to make corrections, and accept them.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions

By contrast with closed questions such as those that can only be responded to by “yes” or “no”, open-ended questions signal genuine curiosity and encourage deeper conversation. Invite the speaker to elaborate with questions like:

• “Can you tell me more about that?”

• “How do you feel about it?”

• “What do you think might help in this situation?”

6. Validate Emotions

Acknowledging emotions builds trust and connection, so show empathy by recognizing their feelings:

• “That sounds challenging” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

• “It sounds like this has been really frustrating/sad/scary for you.”

7. Summarize Key Points

Before ending the conversation, summarize the main ideas if it’s relevant to the situation.

• “If I understand correctly, your priorities are X and Y, and you’re looking for support with Z.” This step ensures alignment and clarity.

• “To wrap up, we’ve discussed these three options, with the following pros and cons, and we decided that our next step is… Did I get this right?”

Conclusion

Practicing these tips will enhance your communication and help build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Active listening isn’t just a skill—it’s a gift you give to others.

There Is No Effective Communication Without Active Listening

In professional and personal conversations, when we listen to someone else we often focus on what we want to say next rather than on understanding the other person fully. Yet, active listening - the practice of deeply focusing on the speaker’s message and checking for our understanding of it without immediate assessment or interruption - is the foundation of effective and satisfying communication. This approach of listening goes beyond simply hearing words; it involves attention, a desire to understand, and the intent to connect to the person we’re in communication with.

What is active listening?

Active listening is an intentional process where we not only hear the words being said but also seek to understand the intentions, ideas and emotions behind them. It involves acknowledging the speaker’s feelings, checking for understanding to avoid misunderstanding, reflecting on what they’ve shared, and, when appropriate, asking questions that encourage deeper exploration.

Why active listening is essential

• Builds rapport and trust
  When we genuinely listen, people feel respected and understood, which creates a foundation of trust. This trust is crucial in both personal and professional relationships, as it fosters openness and collaboration.

• Encourages authenticity and empathy
  Engaging with someone’s story or viewpoint shows empathy. This act of patience and open-mindedness allows for a more genuine connection, where individuals feel free to express themselves authentically. We might believe that such empathy is only needed in personal relationships, but it’s also crucial in professional ones, as we’re all very much driven by our emotional needs as well as the desire to be respected and valued.

• Minimizes miscommunication
  Many misunderstandings arise from assumptions. Active listening helps to avoid distortions and projections and allows to clarify points as they’re discussed, reducing the risk of misinterpretation. Paraphrasing or summarizing what we’ve heard can ensure both parties are on the same page. It’s especially important at the conclusion of a brainstorming session, and of course during any difficult conversation.

• Facilitates more thoughtful and effective responses
  When we listen actively, we’re better equipped to respond thoughtfully. Rather than bringing the topic back to ourselves while the other person is speaking, we can prepare responses that acknowledge their perspective and add value to the conversation.

Conclusion

Active listening isn’t just a communication technique; it’s the method of building stronger, more meaningful connections. By focusing on understanding others, we enrich our conversations and, ultimately, our relationships. The art of listening is often the most powerful tool we have to foster understanding and alignment in all facets of life - at work and at home.

In the next article, I will share some ideas to practice active listening so that you can continue to enhance your communication skills. Contact me if you’d like to explore working 1-1 with me to take your communication to the next level. 

Communication Problems Are Costly

Communication problems are very costly, both financially and emotionally.

In the workplace, misunderstandings, unclear instructions, and lack of effective feedback can lead to unnecessary stress, mistakes, missed deadlines, and low morale. Studies show that organizations can lose millions annually due to communication issues, as they waste time and resources on redoing work or resolving preventable conflicts.

In personal relationships, communication breakdowns can result in unresolved conflicts, hurt feelings, and mistrust. Over time, these issues diminish closeness and intimacy, leading to unfulfilling relationships and, in extreme cases, the loss of family connections or friendship. The cost of poor communication, then, goes beyond finances - it also impacts our most Important relationships and our overall well-being.

Enhancing one's communication is not just useful; it’s a preventative strategy that saves physical and emotional resources in the long run.

I offer team trainings on essential communication topics such as understanding our differences about speaking style, body language and blind spots, as well as on building specialized skills including active listening and nonviolent communication. One-to-one coaching is another fantastic way to enhance one’s communication. Contact me for a free consultation to discuss your needs and goals.

Follow Your Inner GPS

Have you ever felt a sensation of “I just know” - without having any words or rationale to explain it? Perhaps it was when making a decision between several options, saying yes or no to a new possibility, sensing whether or not to pursue a relationship… The sensation of what to do kind of just came to you, you went with it, and it turned out well.

This “I just know” sensation is our intuition, a mysterious integration of our body, mind and heart intelligences (and perhaps other intelligences too), that is expressed in sensations by our inner guidance or inner GPS. Someone religious or spiritual might use a language involving God, guardian angels, or any other meaningful choice. Regardless of the words used, it’s this hard-to-describe sensation that is not head-based and that is actually tricky explain in words. When we follow such guidance, we’re usually well served and end up satisfied with the results.

How strongly are you connected to your inner GPS? How do you access it when you need it most? How do you know when it’s your GPS guiding you versus another, less intuitive and more reactive, part of you?

What’s tricky is indeed differentiating our inner guidance from other impulses that we routinely experience and that could seem similar at the surface level. The “I just know it’s the right person” when dating, for example. Yet in most instances it’s intense chemistry or a craving for connection that is driving our so-called certainty, rather than our much more subtle intuition.

A key element of our inner guidance or inner GPS is that its messaging is usually quite neutral emotionally. The guidance is low intensity, yet clear and obvious. When intense emotions are involved, the resulting information usually comes from other parts of our system - more reactive, more impulsive, more personality-driven.

It’s important to note that our intuition doesn’t always guide us to what we think we want, and it sometimes seems to defy logic. Yet there is a peaceful, neutral certainty about it.

Living life in alignment with our inner guidance makes all the difference when it comes to making wise choices and ultimately feeling fulfilled. Sometimes it takes us away from things or people we thought we “wanted”, and it ends up being for the best; and other times it leads us to places that initially feel unlikely or even uncomfortable, only to turn out to be the ideal direction.

 How do we cultivate a strong relationship with our inner GPS? 

• Slowing down: living life at a slower pace and with enough of quiet time allows us the spaciousness to sense our more subtle sensations. 

• Mindfulness: a self-observation practice is essential to becoming knowledgeable about our internal landscape, and being able to differentiate intuition from emotions.

• Self-regulation: learning to regulate emotions in real-time to calm down the nervous system supports a more neutral baseline, allowing the noticing of our more peaceful, more neutral intuition.

• Practice and feedback loop: practicing following our intuition and taking notes about the results over time, and giving ourselves feedback on whether it was real intuition or impulsivity. Over time, practice leads to expertise.

Working with an Integral Coach is an excellent way to receive customized guidance on your journey towards building a stronger connection with your inner GPS. Contact me for a free consultation if you’d like to explore what it would look like to work together.