Your Words Aren’t the Problem — Your Nervous System Is.

Most communication breakdowns don’t happen because you said the wrong thing.
They happen because your presence said it first.

Years ago, I learned this vividly. I was in a conversation where I felt tense — but thought I was present, because I could intellectually understand my emotions and what caused them.
My words were calm and clear, as I had unconsciously blocked out the physical sensations.
I even said, “I’m fine, everything makes sense.”

The other person paused, looked at me, and said:
“No, you’re not. I can tell you’re upset.”

That moment stuck with me.
My nervous system was speaking louder than my words.
And the other person felt it — long before I did.
Clarity, I realized, is no substitute for being physically regulated.

This happens every day in professional settings:
A leader shows up for a hard conversation, armed with logic, clarity, and even kindness.
But their body tells a different story — tight jaw, shallow breath, tense voice.
The listener braces. The message from the speaker’s body is louder than what’s coming from their mental and emotional centers.

Because communication isn’t just about words.
It’s about presence.

When you’re dysregulated, even perfect phrasing and genuine empathy won’t fully land — because others sense the disconnect between words and energy.

But when you’re regulated and grounded, even tough conversations can build credibility and rapport.

Calm is contagious. So is tension.
And your team, clients, and collaborators always feel the difference — whether you notice it or not.

Before your next important conversation, don’t just prepare your words.
Ask yourself: Am I regulated enough to be received?