Why Understanding Others Starts With You.

Imagine this: Two colleagues are discussing a project deadline. One, feeling the pressure, bluntly says, “We need this done ASAP.” The other, already feeling unappreciated, hears it as criticism and shuts down. Frustration builds, and what could have been a simple conversation turns into tension and resentment.

This happens all the time—not because people don’t listen, but because they listen through their own filters. We interpret words based on our stress levels, past experiences, and personality patterns. Without self-awareness, we react rather than respond, misinterpreting intentions and escalating conflicts.

The Enneagram offers a powerful framework for understanding these patterns. A Type 3 might hear urgency as a challenge to their competence, while a Type 6 might see it as a sign that things are falling apart. Recognizing our tendencies helps us step back, check our assumptions, and engage with curiosity rather than reactivity.

Listening to self isn’t about being self-absorbed—it’s about noticing how our internal narratives shape what we hear. Are we assuming the worst? Are we responding to what was said or what we fear it means? When we pause and notice these patterns, we create space for better conversations.

The paradox is clear: The more we attune to ourselves, the better we understand others. By deepening self-awareness, we move beyond knee-jerk reactions and hear what’s actually being said—not just what our personality expects to hear. That’s the foundation of true connection.

Want to uncover your own filters—and your unique gifts? Exploring the Enneagram is a great way to start. Get in touch with me to schedule an Enneagram type exploration.