Good Communication = Good Relationships

What relationships - both professional and personal - most desperately need is skilled communication. Communicating well together is an essential skill; without it there is no healthy relationships.

What makes communicating with another person not only effective but satisfying is taking into account the underlying emotional dimension of what is being shared. Good communication is not just about facts, and it’s definitely not just about “getting it out”.

Good communication builds understanding and trust, and trust is the foundation of good communication. It’s the virtuous cycle. The opposite is also true. Bad communication leads to disconnection in the relationship, and disconnection negatively affects communication. It’s the vicious cycle.

Developing the following competencies leads to effective and fulfilling communication with others:

1. Exploring feelings

A lot of what we communicate is about reacting/responding from our feelings. It’s difficult to communicate well if we don’t know what we are feeling because it means that we're not aware of our underlying motivation. Also, if we’re not able to be in touch with our own feelings, it’s going to be impossible to take into account someone else’s feelings. And yes, for professional conversations as well!

2. Developing mindfulness

Because the most challenging conversations involve difficult emotions such as anger, sadness, shame and fear, developing our mindfulness allows us to be present to these difficult emotions while remaining engaged with the other person. Mindfulness practice leads to the ability to pause and choose how to respond, rather than lashing out and/or withdrawing from the conversation.

3. Listening deeply

Skillful communication starts with listening to the other person’s point of view. It’s about refraining from assumptions and being curious while putting our own needs on the backburner until we understand the other person better.

4. Talking with compassion

Sometimes we have to say something that might activate negative feelings for the other person. In such cases, the way we talk verbally and non-verbally deeply affects trust in the relationship. Learning how to speak up in a way that is timely, authentic and compassionate is essential to build trust and understanding with the other person.

5. Being patient

Skillful communication requires patience. First off, it takes time to learn how to communicate well and our skills might go through ups and down depending on what we go through at any given time. Secondly, while some conversations will be completed in one session, the most difficult ones will need multiple sit-downs and will most likely require trying different ways to express what we want to communicate to the other person. Patience is key to communication success.