Active Listening 101

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As I wrote last month, Active Listening isn’t just a communication technique, it’s a method of building stronger, more meaningful connections through communication. Listening is just hearing words, Active Listening is about truly understanding and connecting with the person we’re in a conversation with. This not only makes a huge difference in personal relationships; it also has a profound impact in professional conversations. Here are actionable steps to take your listening from passive to active:

1. Show That You're Listening

  • Be fully present.

  • Face the speaker with an open posture. Avoid crossing your arms, which can seem closed off or defensive.

  • Maintain eye contact.

  • Nod occasionally and use small verbal cues like “I see” or “Go on.”

  • Avoid distractions and multitasking (e.g., looking at your phone).

2. Manage Your Inner Dialogue 

  • Listen with curiosity and the intent to truly understand words and emotions, rather than with a focus on what you want to say next.

  • Avoid judgments and assumptions, as well as planning your response while listening. 

3. Pause Before Responding

Silence can be powerful. Resist the urge to immediately jump in with advice or solutions. A brief pause allows you to process the speaker’s message and respond thoughtfully.

4. Reflect and Paraphrase

  • Paraphrase what the speaker said: “So, you’re saying…” and check for understanding: “Did I get this right?”

  • Allow space for the speaker to make corrections, and accept them.

5. Ask Open-Ended Questions

By contrast with closed questions such as those that can only be responded to by “yes” or “no”, open-ended questions signal genuine curiosity and encourage deeper conversation. Invite the speaker to elaborate with questions like:

  • “Can you tell me more about that?”

  • “How do you feel about it?”

  • “What do you think might help in this situation?”

6. Validate Emotions

Acknowledging emotions builds trust and connection, so show empathy by recognizing their feelings:

  • “That sounds challenging” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”

  • “It sounds like this has been really frustrating/sad/scary for you.”

7. Summarize Key Points

Before ending the conversation, summarize the main ideas if it’s relevant to the situation.

  • “If I understand correctly, your priorities are X and Y, and you’re looking for support with Z.” This step ensures alignment and clarity.

  • “To wrap up, we’ve discussed these three options, with the following pros and cons, and we decided that our next step is… Did I get this right?”

Conclusion

Practicing these tips will enhance your communication and help build stronger, more meaningful relationships. Active listening isn’t just a skill—it’s a gift you give to others.