The Three Ways Of Dealing With Stress
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In addition to the great insights offered about the Nine Types and the Three Instincts, The Enneagram describes the three strategies that we use to deal with stress, based on our type. The types are indeed grouped in three different triads based on how they react to upsetting triggers.
Here are the three strategies:
Getting something done: Types 1, 3 and 5 are called the Competency Types because they tend to get stuff done when they are stressed. They do different things and for different reasons, but they all end up pushing their feelings away and make something better (T1), be productive (T3), or figure things out (T5).
Positivity: Types 2, 7 and 9 are called the Positive Outlook Types because they tend to ignore the negative and focus on the positive when they are under stress - either by helping (T2), focusing on the silver-lining (T7), or distracting themselves with comforting activities (T9).
Saying it as it is: Types 4, 6 and 8 are called the Expressive Types because they tend to express what they feel when they are stressed, in words or with their body language. Their negative emotions will spill out and they will seek to be understood (T4), be reassured (T6), or take a stand (T8).
Each of these strategies is smart because it has the purpose of making us feel better in the moment. Diminishing the intensity of your feelings and accomplishing something gives you a boost and gets something accomplished in the meantime. Being optimistic distracts you from pain in the moment and prevents affecting your relationships. And expressing your truth helps you release the pressure and makes you feel validated in you experience.
No method is better or worse than the other. Problems arise when we only use one over and over and over, on automatic pilot, even when another strategy could be more beneficial in that given situation. It’s always the automatic pilot that causes troubles because of its lack of mindfulness and responsiveness to what is actually truly happening.
When you constantly repress your feelings and get stuff done, you have a hard time knowing what you’re feeling, what triggered it, and therefore you jeopardize your chances of improving your situation long-term. You also tend to have a hard time to truly relax, which can lead to overwhelm and burn out.
When you constantly reject negative feelings and turn towards positivity too quickly, you deny your own reality, and you forget to give space to others when they experience negative feelings too. you might ignore problems, and make them worse by not addressing them early on.
When you constantly express my negative feelings, you might stew in negativity and dramatize your situation, and you take the risk of dragging people down. You might ignore what is good and supportive in your life, and you might alienate the people around you who are the captive audience of your negative outbursts.
As you can see, there are positives and negatives to each strategy. Like with everything else, our path of growth is to seek balance. Whatever your go-to strategy is, could you consider practicing the two others? Next time you feel stressed and see your automatic pilot showing up, can you try a different way to handle your emotions, and see what happens when you make a conscious choice?
When an Expressive Type shifts to competency, a pleasant sensation of accomplishment can arise. Yes, challenging stuff has happened and you need to process it, but you can still be productive while this is being sorted out.
When a Competency Type shifts to having a positive outlook, it brings some peace and connection with others can occur, which can feel extremely supportive. Yes, you want to be an adult and move on, but you’re not all alone - others have your back just like you have theirs.
When a Positive Outlook type expresses their difficult experience and feelings, they have a chance to address their problems before they get worse. Yes, there is always a positive to a negative, and something to learn from every challenge, but you will benefit from acknowledging and validating your feelings so that you can identify what is going on, resolve your problems and prevent them from re-ocurring.
So, what’s your go-to strategy?
In which situations is it working well? What is its limitation in other situations?
What are you willing to try out next time you’re stressed?
